


angel [l.s]

by stylinsonhotline



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinsonhotline/pseuds/stylinsonhotline
Summary: in which harry keeps trying to kill himself, and louis is always there to stop him from it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ☞ welcome / welcome back! ☜
> 
> ✯ this is a little warning, because this book does deal with a lot of suicidal thoughts & other triggering things ✯
> 
> it contains:
> 
> ✧ suicide  
> ✧ cutting  
> ✧ drinking  
> ✧ starvation  
> ✧ drugs  
> ✧ vulgar language 
> 
> & more. so if anything of this triggers you, i would suggest for you to not read this.
> 
> but without any further ado, hope you enjoy this book x
> 
> as always, stay safe my lovelies ♥

**september, 2016**

 

"hazza, love, you've got to eat please," the older boy pleaded, looking at the small, fragile, curly-haired boy who was sitting in front of him in the dining room table.

"i'm fine," the boy mumbled, nearly having enough energy to let those words out. but the truth was; he wasn't fine.

he didn't eat, or drink. or sleep, or talk. or walk, or sing. he was far from fine, and they both knew that.

the older boy started tearing up- not knowing what to do anymore.

he remembered how he loved to walk hand-in-hand with the younger boy years back. on the sunny beach, or in a small park full of children. he should've cherished those moments when he had the chance. and he shouldn't have fought with him over dumb things like he used to.

"no you're not, harry," he told the boy. shaking his head, and pushing his chair out, walking over to the weak, skinny, fragile boy.

harry didn't even look up. he was staring at the plate that was set down in front of him. the older boy had made him dinosaur nuggets with curly fries. harry couldn't help but give in a little smile. he still remembers harry's favorite food.

"why don't you eat, for me, please?" the boy asked, holding onto harry's hands. the skin being so thin, it seemed as if he was just touching his bones.

"louis, what's the point?" the curly haired boy sassed back, "i will throw most of it up anyways," he rolled his eyes, and took his hand away from louis' grasp. louis closed his eyes, and let in a shaky breath.

he picked up harry's plate, and walked to the kitchen, throwing the plate- along with the food, to the sink, cursing under his breath. why had he allowed harry to hurt himself in the ways that he was doing?

louis shook his hand, placing his hands on the kitchen counter. thank god the curly boy couldn't see him. the wall between the dining room and the kitchen was also thick enough for louis is let out a small cry.

but that didn't stop him from getting a small dessert from the fridge. soon after, he looked for a spoon and walked out of the kitchen, and into the dining room. his tears not even noticeable at that point.

he set down the plate, along with the silverware, in front of harry, and smiled.

"i don't want pie," harry murmured, loud enough for louis to hear. and even though he knew harry would say that, his heart still sunk- because he hated seeing the love of his life doing this to himself.

"hazza," louis said, and the boy looked at him. his green eyes, drained, meeting louis' blue, tired ones. "if you eat this, we can go to the park you like," he tried to bribe him.

"wow, i see you're just feeding me lies as well," harry said, rolling his eyes at louis, and taking a small bite out of the pie. louis sighed and and sat back down, not even making eye contact with harry again.

louis could hear the way harry dragged the peacan pie from the plate, to his mouth. only doing this four or five times before saying he was full. but he wasn't full. and louis knew that, but he also knew better than to force him to do it.

after ten minutes, louis had washed the dishes, and harry had walked to his room, to lock himself behind that door, and probably not be heard from for the whole day. and the bad thing, is the fact that him doing that was an everyday thing to that point.

louis went around the house, while he heard harry trying to throw up what he had eaten. why did this have to happen to them?

they were a beautiful, strong couple, and loved by their families to death. so why did harry do this to himself? why couldn't he just try his hardest?

but most of all, why couldn't louis let go?


	2. the pills

**january, 2017.**

 

harry was sitting in his usual chair, watching his favorite show- or at least his favorite from the channels louis could afford. it was 2007 episodes of a show about two brothers hunting ghosts and demons.

harry throughly enjoyed it, mainly because of the younger brother. oh, the hots harry had for that boy was unreal. but of course, not like the hot he had for louis.

he honestly loved louis- but he was tired of holding on, he wanted to let go of everything. of course, louis wouldn't let him do that. even if it was the only thing harry wanted.

wasn't that so selfish of louis?

he wasn't home, though. he had gone out because harry said he wanted a bit of chocolate milk. of course, the comment took louis by surprise, but he didn't object, and went directly to the closest gas station to get harry what he wanted.

harry, of course, wanted this time alone. he never got it.

louis was constantly watching over his shoulder. which was sweet at times, but harry got tired of it at some point. why couldn't he just be alone?

well, mainly because that would really mean he would already be dead by that point. the main reason he held on was for louis. he didn't want to look weak, yet he probably already seemed so.

harry sighed, slowly getting up from the chair he was in, and turning off the tv.

he turned on his heels, and walked to the bathroom. maybe if louis wasn't there, he could just end it all.

so he opened a cabinet, and his shaking hands got some sleeping pills out, as he debated with himself if he should do what he was about to.

he nodded, just confirming that he wanted to do it. so he placed the bottle of pills on the faucet, and quickly went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

then he began singing in his head,

one, two, melatonin is coming for you

he opened the fridge and got a water bottle from inside, quickly walking back to the bathroom, and dropping on the door, starting to cry.

three, four, baby won't you lock the door?

he looked at the doorknob and locked it, checking if it had really locked just seconds after. as he made his way up, he looked at himself in the mirror.

his eyes were red, and puffy. full of pain and disgust at himself. he thought he was a weak, ugly, piece of shit. and no one was there to tell him otherwise.

he used to be so happy- yet everything fell apart out of nowhere. he stopped caring about anything. he didn't speak to his mom, or reach out to his family and friends. he stopped singing- which was what he loved the most.

he just stopped being happy out of nowhere. and that's how it happens. no matter if he's loved, or if he's rich, no matter if his family cared about him or if louis would devote everything he had just for him. depression can come at anyone, even if they have what seems to be a 'good life'.

harry started sobbing, quickly grabbing the bottle of sleeping pills from the faucet and tried opening it. his weak arms trembling as he tried to turn on the cap of the bottle.

five, six, i'm done with this.

as he finally opened it, he turned the bottle upside down, and filled his hand with a ton of pills. not three, nor five, nor ten, nor thirty. the pills were a bunch more, but as harry thought, the more, the merrier.

he filled his mouth with the pills he had, and quickly got the water swallowing them.

he moved to the toilet, sitting in front of it, and placing his head on the seat, and sighing.

seven, eight, it's getting late. so close your eyes, and sleep for days.


	3. the blade

january, 2017. continued.

 

harry started gagging. great, the pills were coming back up. 

he pulled up and toilet seat and saw how the pills came out. the sensation of the water-and-pills mixture burning his neck as it came up. and he kept throwing up, until there was nothing left.

he looked down and started crying. why- why didn't it work? why couldn't he just die? did he really have to be in this burden so-called life? 

as harry sobbed, a new idea came to mind. maybe it was going to hurt a bit more- but anything was worth it if all the pain he felt was going to go away anyways. 

he stood up, stumbling a few times around, and bent down to go to the cabinet below the faucet. he shoved his hand inside and got a blade out, sighing at himself.

if he went to the tub, maybe it would feel better?

so he went into the tub, opening the hot water, and seeing how the vapor came up on his face. he sighed, and got inside the tub, also turing the cold water on so he didn't burn because of all the hot water that was already inside the tub.

the warm sensation made his skin freeze up, but his arms just didn't have enough muscle to actually tense in any way. harry bit his lip, taking the blade and letting more tears out. why was he crying if he wasn't supposed to care?

what about louis? or anne? or gemma?

what about paws, harry's little kitten? 

what would happen if he was gone?

he shook these thoughts out, reminding himself that they would move on, and be better without him. he wanted to believe that they would mourn for him a bit, but he couldn't. 

no one loved him. or at least that's what he thought.

as he placed the cold blade near his skin, he closed his eyes, and tried to cut onto his skin.

but someone opened the door.

"har- hazza, baby no oh my god," louis yelled, running to him and grabbing harry's hand, trying to take the blade out.

"louis! fucks sake, leave me alone!" harry fought back, trying to keep the blade inside his hand. of course, it cut him, and he whimpered, as he let go of it, along with drops of blood. 

harry started crying, and louis sighed, exhausted, yet relieved that he was there before harry could actually end his life.

harry grabbed his legs, and placed his face between his knees, sobbing loudly onto himself, and louis tried to find a way to carry the taller, yet somehow smaller, boy. 

as he did, harry wrapped his arms around his lover. not wanting to let go. why did he go through so much trouble?

why hadn't louis left yet?

he cried onto louis' chest, as his wet clothes made louis' damp as well. but louis didn't care. harry's safety became before anything else, and harry knew that.

so louis carried harry, and changed him into some dried clothes. 

he treated harry like those fragile, old, dolls, that could break any second. and harry didn't mind being treated that way, because maybe, he did feel fragile enough to break any time someone looked at him wrong. 

as harry layed in bed, in a long-sleeved shirt, and sweats that louis made him wear. he also was cuddled up in blankets, and somehow looked so adorable. he was a small and adorable burrito.

 

louis also changed, and went into bed with harry. something he hadn't done in a while. mainly because he wanted to give harry his space. but even though harry said he wanted to be alone, he just wanted louis to stay with him. louis didn't read in between the lines, though.

he didn't know if he should've pulled on harry's waist, and get him closer. but when he did, harry cuddled as a little spoon. louis smiled, remembering when they did this years back. gosh, he missed this.

louis smiled and kissed harry's curls. 

"louis- do you love me?" harry asked, lowly, and louis barely even caught on.

"why? yes i love you, angel," he said. but harry didn't answer. he just cuddled onto louis, and fell asleep.


	4. the bathtub

february, 2017.

 

it was the first of february. not important to many people.

but to harry, and louis, it was more than just any day in particular. it was actually harry's birthday, and for louis, it was going to be a good day.

louis hummed to a random song that had been stuck in his head for a while then, while he carefully put the blue frosting on top of the green one, and smiled at himself.

he remembered when him and harry were asking each other questions, when they had just started dating. louis had asked him what his favorite color was, and harry looked at him and said 'blue, like the color of your eyes'. and that's when louis knew he was in love.

louis kept humming to the song, and placed the cake down on the dinning room table, and began walking towards their room. 

it felt good to actually call it theirs. and yes, louis had gone back to sleeping with harry. it was kind of mutual, though they didn't really discuss anything. 

as louis got to the room, he saw how harry was still sleeping, and decided to approach him slowly and quietly. he sat down beside the thinner boy, and began to play with his curls, quietly asking him to wake up.

as harry did so, he went directly to the dining room, and saw the cake right where louis had left it. he looked at louis with a puzzling look on his face.

"happy birthday angel," he said, walking over to harry. harry shook his head and looked down, "what's wrong babyboy?" louis asked, concerned. had he said something wrong? was it not harry's birthday? 

louis gulped down, as harry looked at him with rage in his eyes. louis didn't even know what he had done wrong- or even if he did anything in general to tick harry off.

but the truth was, harry didn't know anything either. his body just started burning as he saw the cake. was it the colors? or his birthday? what made him so angry?

he couldn't even answer that. but he grabbed the cake and threw it on the ground, causing the plate it was in, to break into smaller pieces.

harry dramatically threw himself on the floor, and started digging into the cake, just to start throwing it around, dirtying himself, and the dining room itself; while all louis could do was watch with disbelief. "i don't fucking care how old i am turning, louis!" he said, crying out, "i still want to crawl into a hole and die," he sobbed out. "i fucking hate you louis," he ended.

harry then let out a few random screams, followed by sobs. and that was when louis knew he had to calm harry down. so he hurried and sat behind the boy ambracing him with a hug that made harry feel safe. gosh, why did it have to feel like that when he did that? 

harry kept sobbing, his clothes and arms full of blue-and-green icing. while louis whispered gently nice things in his ear, and somehow managed to rubbed his back up and down. 

as louis managed to calm harry down, he carried him to their bathroom, and sat him down at the toilet, so he could help harry out of his clothes- not even because of a sexual matter.

he turned the bathtub water on, and placed his hand underneath the water, checking if it was the right temperature for the curly boy's weak body. 

after stripping harry down, he helped him get inside the tub, and began washing the boy.

louis kept humming to a tune, as he grabbed the soap and began to wash harry's petite figure. and shortly he had finished, he went on to do harry's hair. first shampoo, then conditioner. 

as he finished, louis looked to see where the towel was, and realized he had left it in the room. 

he stood up, cursing under his breath, "hazza i'm gonna get your towel, alright?" he said and looked at the boy, whose back was turned to louis. the boy didn't answer, so louis sighed. he went out and he could hear harry playing with the  water from the bath tub.

as louis went to get the towel, he realized it was on the bed, and while he reached for it, he noticed that he had stopped hearing anything- not even breathing, from the bathroom.

so he bolted quickly towards the bathroom, and threw the towel on the floor, seeing harry had submerged himself under the water of the tub. 

louis jumps in action, and quickly gets harry out of the water, seeing as he was still conscious, he sighed in relief.

but harry wasn't so happy himself. he looked at louis and started throwing weak punches at him. of course, louis wasn't really even getting hurt, but he managed to get ahold of the boy, and tightly embrace him, while his head was on his chest.

 

"it's okay, babyboy," louis whispered.

"i'm sorry," he let out. 

louis didn't let go of him, "i love you," he reminded harry.

"i know."


End file.
